


Chocolat Pécheur

by jih3k



Category: One Piece
Genre: Ass to Mouth, Blood, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Food, French Accent, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, M/M, Out of Character, Scat, flavor town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:54:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22050628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jih3k/pseuds/jih3k
Summary: Yo so like imagine Sanji realizes his shit tastes amazing and feeds Zoro some cause he hallucinates Guy Fieri told him to? That's it, that's the entire fic. I'm not kidding. Title via Google Translate because I don't remember my high school French classes.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 9
Kudos: 15





	Chocolat Pécheur

**Author's Note:**

> Why does this exist? Why does any of the stuff on this account exist?

Sanji was a cook. A fucking good cook. It used to be said on the Baratie that he could go an take soap scum off of the bottom of the bathtub and turn it into delicate flavor sensations. But now he was not on the Baratie. He was a member of the Straw Hat Pirates as their cook. He was also an avid fan of getting his pheasant stuffed by the Santoryu Master, Roronora Zoro. The two has spread their love making juices throughout the entirety of the ship, much to the chagrin of the more prudish members of the crew. Maybe prudish is the wrong word, since Nami didn't care if they fucked but she did care about the ass prints left on her mirror.

One day after Zoro had fucked Sanji to a quivering, prostate orgasm, Sanji realized that his asshole was conspiciously devoid of cum. This was unusual. When he looked back at Zoro to demand his cream filling, he saw that the swordsman was breathing heavily. And not from the intense post-coital way. His fresh stitches were tearing and blood was leaking down his chest. Sanji gasped.

"Mon amour! Sacre blue! Vous should 'ave told moi that vous vere still so... 'ow you say... cut ze fuck up!" 

He rushed to get Chopper, so the reindeer doctor could re-administer first aid. But before he could leave, he noticed that the penis of the Marimo was still hard as all get-out. He felt guilty that he had dribbled out his semen while the pain had forced Zoro to withdraw from his backdoor before depositing his semen-cum-jizz in the curly eyebrowed cook. This could not... nay it WOULD NOT STAND.

Sanji dropped to his knees as Zoro gasped for air and his blood oozed down into his green pubes with the full intent of sucking his partner's cock. But he paused for a moment. On the tip of the katana wielder's peen was a chuck of poop. "It must have come from my own ass," went the internal monologue in Sanji's head (which doesn't have a French accent). But he knew that it was his duty to make this penis cum. So he gobbled down that shit stained cock at full force.

This wasn't the first time Sanji had tasted Zoro's dick, but it was the first time he'd tasted that cock while it was covered in his own shit. But it was still good. As a gourmet chef, he realized that the poop actually improved the taste of the wang and as he deep throated that rod he made notes about the nutty flavor that his shit had, as well as how well it mingled with the precum that was beading at the tip of the Moss Head's dong. 

Oh how Sanji feasted on that shitcock. He lost count of time and seemed to lose himself. He came too as the sweet and sour spunk of Zoro splurted onto his tongue and then face as he felt hands dragging him off. "Oh my god, Sanji! Why are you both covered in blood! One Piece Jesus fucking Christ, go get Chopper!" Sanji passed out from the overwhelming sensations he was experiencing. He blacked out and dreamed of the God of Chefs, Guy Fieri. 

The Dream Fieri said to him, "Sanji my boy, you haven't just experienced Flavor Town. You've passed out and gone to Flavor Valhalla. This is the place that all chefs dream of. You now have an opportunity to reign here with me, Guy Fieri, for all eternity at the great diner, drive in, and dive in the sky. Create the most juicy poop flavored dish and feed it to your loved one and cook forever, shiny and chrome." Behind the Dream Fieri, the fry cook's dream kitchen actually pinged audibly.

When Sanji woke up, he knew what he needed to do. He needed to create what the French called, a Merde Souffle. But to do this he needed the most exsqusite shit he could create. Thus he spent weeks preparing meals that were finely crafted with the best possible ingredients. But at the same time, he chose to wear a butt plug. He thought of it like how one might cork a cask of fine ale, to be broken open in time for Ocktoberfest. When it was read, the steaming crap was whipped up and made into the souffle of his dreams. In Flavor Valhalla, Dream Fieri shed a tear.

When it was time, Sanji invited Zoro to his private chef's table in the back of the kitchen. He provided him with delicate finger foods and top shelf wine as he apologized for almost letting his lover bleed to death all over him. Zoro assured him it was okay cause he liked seeing his bloody pubes paint Sanji's cheeks like a fresco. When it was time for the souffle Zoro tastes it and said, "Mother of god, Sanji. You have really outdone yourself here. I can't believe how good this thing is. And it tastes so fucking good. It's like I'm having an out of body experience. Pray, my love, tell me. What have you cooked so lovingly for me on this, the day after I have just been released from a near death experience.

Sanji smiled and simply said, "Eet iz moi own sheet."

A silence fell over the room. Zoro stared at the Straw Hat cook for what felt like an eternity. Then he swallowed what was in his mouth, put his fork down, and got up from the table. He stalked over to Sanji, looked him in the eye, and then kissed him deeply. They parted lips with a strand of saliva strung between them as he said, "Would you mind if I try it raw?"

Sanji unbuckled his belt and said, "Ah 'ave eet ze raw-eest of ze raw pour vous." As the pants hit the floor he bent over and Zoro began eating out his ass. The deft movements of his tongue were no match for the tightness of Sanji's bunghole and his bowels soon loosed a stream of scat into Zoro's mouth. He chewed it down greedily as it smeared over both of their cheeks. When the shit stream stopped, Zoro stood up and filled the now voided bowels with his cock and just for the sake of it, he went all Asura form and had three cocks for this. Why the fuck not. He was just gaping the hell out of Sanji's narrow ass until he came and then also Sanji came and there was jizz just fucking everywhere. Dream Fieri wept again, because he had fostered true love.

So what happened next you may ask? Well, Zoro went on to be the bestest swordsman in the world and Sanji found the All Blue (they fucked in the All Blue for sure). He cooked amazing food for everyone he ever met, but only saved his poop cuisine for Zoro. When he died at the ripe old age of whatever the fuck, he was allowed to enter Flavor Valhalla and cooked for the gods. But they didn't want poop because, well, they might be gods but they didn't want to eat poop at all. Gods don't eat poop unless they want to, and sometimes they just don't want to. 

What was the point of all this? I dunno, Happy New Years.


End file.
